The Benefits of Rejection

When you look back on your life, you will realise that many of the times you thought you were being rejected by someone or something you wanted, you were in fact being redirected to someone or something you needed.

Seeing this when you’re in the midst of feeling rejected, however, is quite tough.

As soon as someone critiques, criticises, and pushes you away – as soon as you are rejected – you may find yourself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I’m not good enough”.

This is only natural, and it can hurt. But among the pain and self doubt, there are many benefits of rejection.

Rejection is often beyond your control

The fact of the matter is: so many rejections are based on impulse. The other person dismisses you because they are busy, and it was the easy way to get rid of work or a potential problem. The rejection has nothing to do with you but is down to their own circumstances and pressures, such as a better offer in their mind or a different agenda.

Occasionally, you meet people who are just nasty or who just don't like or gel with you. It is a big self-esteem killer if you believe others' opinions about you and want everyone to like you. That is like thinking everyone should have the same taste in food and drink!

The bottom line is that rejection based on a purely personal reason is very much the minority reason - so it is often you who is making rejection personal.

Rejection does not mean you are not good enough

It just means someone else failed to notice what you have to offer. One of the benefits of rejection is that you now have more time to explore other options.

People including ourselves are so often self-absorbed or preoccupied with our current demands or pressures, we forget the times that we reject others, often inadvertently.

The fact is rejection is a very useful tool.

Without it, we would become overly involved with too many people – an unsustainable state. Knowing who to say no to is very important. Rarely do you reject people because of them – so equally you get rejected for reasons that usually have nothing to do with you.

Rejection is necessary

Rejection is a vital medicine; it teaches you how to reject relationships and opportunities that aren’t going to work, so you can find the right ones that will. This naturally goes both ways!

Will you sometimes be bitter for a moment?  Absolutely. Sometimes it really hurts and letting go can be difficult. You're only human, after all. There isn’t a soul on this planet that doesn’t feel a small fraction of disappointment at rejection. For a short time, you may ask yourself many questions:

What did I do wrong?

Why didn’t they care about me?

How come… etc?

Such reflection is inevitable, and to some degree necessary. But it's important to learn how - and for how long - to reflect on rejection in order to grasp an opportunity for personal growth.

Reflect on your rejections...

A quick look back at what happened from a birds-eye view may help you identify a habit or a vibe that something has changed - something that is causing people to reject you more often. It is important to sometimes analyse our behaviour, otherwise we could get arrogant and never pick up on a pattern that is causing rejection. 

Examples such as failing to listen to others properly or without empathy, or being too eager to put your point across causing you to routinely interrupt others - such behaviours, and more, can cause people to reject you.

Self-awareness is a powerful tool to help you understand where you might need an upgrade or when to move on from a rejection.

...but don't dwell on your rejections

Get better at moving on quickly – not delving too deep into analysing why you were rejected because the reality is that it probably was not personal. Even if it was – does it change anything? 

After the initial blow you have to let your emotions fuel you in a positive way!  This is the important part.  Let your feelings of rejection drive you, feed you, and inspire a powerful opening to the next chapter of your story.

Stories are like infinity change cycles (see our Change Management Course for more information on Infinity Change Cycles) which can be long or very short.

At a party, if you get rejected, move on to the next person.

Such an incident, only about 30 seconds long, is an example of a very fast Change Cycle:

Incident ➜ Moment of hurt ➜ Recovery ➜ Move on to a new place.

Remember: you determine your worth

If you constantly feel like someone is not treating you with respect, check your price tag. Perhaps you’ve subconsciously marked yourself down. 

Because it’s YOU who tells others what you’re worth by showing them what you’re willing to accept for your time and attention. 

So, get off the clearance rack. 

If you don’t value and respect yourself, wholeheartedly, then no one else will.