Ever feel Inadequate?

In this blog, I will take you through a short case study and then some solutions to overcome inadequacy. We can all feel this at times, and it is closely related to comparison, as it is hard to feel inadequate without comparing yourself. If you want a deeper dive into Inadequacy and other topics, explore The Power of Awareness 

Case Study of Mr X, a coach and part-time player:

 Based on his list of topics and fears, feelings of inadequacy, impacted other areas of his life, therefore, tackling inadequacy was an important place to start. 

We set goals for him to change his feelings of inadequacy to confidence: 

1. He wanted to make decisions with more confidence and back himself more in situations rather than freezing and feeling inadequate.
2. He wanted to feel relaxed when someone with status or perceived greater knowledge than him was either evaluating or watching him play or coach.  

He gave me a recent example of freezing and feeling very uncomfortable. Luckily the person involved was good with him on the court, and because he helped him through the awkward earlier moments, he became comfortable with this person coming onto court or watching. 

The lesson here to learn is that if you know that after a period of time in most situations you are going to be comfortable, why not be comfortable from the start and accept that you will quickly adapt rather than feeling inadequate? 

I asked if there was a specific incident where someone had questioned his competency to do a job, and he remembered two people about four or five years before who questioned his competency, and it had had a big effect on him.

I gave him these tools on and how to deal with this:

1. Question where they thought you were incompetent rather than just accepting or assuming this as a truth. 
2. Out people to either give you valid reasons why they're saying you're not competent and if they cannot give a respectable answer, then realise they are just talking, with no basis to their comments.
3. If they do give a good example and there is something that you can improve, that's great, but you need to go on and question them as to why they said that you're no good at the job when actually there's just one specific area that needed improving. 
4. Unfortunately, some supposed experts use their status to bully and intimidate when in fact, when you question them, there is no substance to their criticism. Outing the BS can free you from questioning your own value.
5. It is your duty to question so that you can educate yourself and possibly the other person to stop and think before making sweeping statements. Doing so may well save another person from experiencing the same situation.

Outcome: 

He said that he definitely felt better and more confident and that he would question more going forward. He also learned a valuable insight which impacted another area of his life, a fear of confrontation. The distinction that confrontation through good questions is actually an opportunity to explore getting better and learning something or outing people from issuing sweeping statements without basis or substance means that confrontation can be liberating.

When you’re feeling inadequate, there are four basic responses:

1. Ignore it: It’s a false alarm, you’re doing fine.
2. Change your situation:  If you continually feel inadequate in a certain situation, yet feel fine in other areas of life and you are normally confident as a person, then perhaps you’re not cut out for what you’re trying to achieve, so go do something else.
3. Change your performance: You are cut out for what you’re trying to achieve, but your performance is inadequate, so it’s time to work harder and smarter.
4. Change your expectations: You are cut out for what you’re trying to achieve, and your performance is adequate. You’re just expecting too much. Lower your expectations to fit the challenges you face. Example: You are progressing well and climbing the rankings at a good rate yet expecting to challenge the world’s best before you are ready. Respect the process and if progress is meteoric that is a bonus, but you can’t expect meteoric.

Think of the above like a smoke alarm. The four solutions treated as a response to the alarm go like this:

1. There are false alarms — times I fear that I’m inadequate when I’m not.
2. Sometimes the smoke alarm goes off and I have to get out of the house.
3. Sometimes I have to stay in the house and work harder to put out the fire.
4. Sometimes I have to just recalibrate the alarm, adjusting it to fit the tasks I’ve taken on.

The first option is what comes naturally. If feelings of inadequacy cause us anxiety, we often try to ignore the alarm or shut it off completely. We shouldn’t do that anymore than pull the battery out of a smoke alarm. There are tools to calm us and help us cope with anxiety, to realise that we are not inadequate but just nervous which is actually a healthy response to competition or presenting etc

Any one of these four ways can be a quick solution for many situations: 

1. Ignore it:  Always hold your head high. You deserve to feel adequate no matter what you do.
2. Change your situation: Move away from a situation that makes you feel inadequate.
3. Change your performance: When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Be courageous. Never give up the process of improving until your performance is good enough.
4. Change your expectations: Make peace with who you are. Accept the things you can’t control.  No matter what you are.

I’ll argue that there is no formulaic solution that always works. One way or another, all of us feel inadequate sometimes and that we are treading hard just to keep our heads above water.

Mindset College is, a mental skills programme that tackles comparison, inadequacy, expectations and judgement in one module alone so discover answers with the Power of Awareness Part 2 

Written by David Sammel