Why does insecurity have a bad reputation?

inadequacy insecurity Jul 15, 2022

Feeling comfortable in your own skin

This week the theme is all about insecurity. Insecurity has a bad wrap, yet the reality is we are all insecure in certain situations or when we feel pressure. As with anything to do with our minds - if we wish to improve and remain robust and healthy we have to develop coping mechanisms. There are ways of coping that help us and others that harm us. It is our job to recognise those that are destructive and those that give us confidence and help. 

In sport here are a few insecurities that afflict athletes, coaches and parents. 

 

Athletes are by nature insecure:

Parents often, through lack of knowledge can be very insecure and coaches for the same reason. Insecurity of how to go about dealing with a really talented athlete breeds a fear of losing their #1 asset, so a pretence of knowing what to do can be very damaging. This can easily happen when the parents have little idea of the sport with which to judge the true level of the coach. A lot of that depends on the track record of the coach and to what level they’ve been with athletes whether this insecurity affects the coach.

 

Fear of success or failure

In my experience, this insecurity can grow when athletes get great, the fear of success (the unknown) becomes greater than the fear of failure. The athlete becomes unsure of whether they can cope with increasing pressure and possibly the attention that follows.

 

Insecurity can breed excuses

Either made by themselves or on behalf of the athlete. So often parents and or coaches will make excuses for the player, basically crippling the player because the athletes will pick up on the excuses and use them for themselves.

 

Awareness of standards

The reality of how close or far away the athlete is from their goal is important. Often players, coaches and parents are deluded about far away they are to big success or don’t realise how close the athlete is to significant success. Having an awareness of standards is extremely important.

 

 Relationships


Between all three is really important. Managing the dynamics of the athlete/parent, athlete/coach and coach/parent relationships is a major factor in success or failure. The mix of emotions between all three is really to be on the same page and work in the same direction and not undermine each other, especially between parents and coaches. If there is a battle of wills, the athlete is the one who will feel insecure and suffer.

 

Intensity

 

There has to be a fundamental understanding of the intensity of focus needed. In sport you’ve got no chance until the athlete gets it. What that really means is a hundred percent effort to compete unconditionally with a focus on constant improvement. The responsibility for how to practice, compete and live has to be understood clearly by the parent, the athlete and the coach. These things take years to refine. It is so important that there is an education in place so that all three can move towards this place, which is the bedrock of security needed by the athlete to survive the insecure world of high performance.  

 


This week's podcast will show you how to embrace your insecurity:

Thoughts about issues that can breed insecurity or help security in high performance! 

  • It is lonely for high achievers.

    They sacrifice a lot to get there. It’s tough to pretend to be strong and in control all the time. Parents and coaches find it difficult to admit that they don’t know what to do or when they are out of their depth. This is very difficult if they’re not experienced at higher levels. Often the athlete feels this but is too young or not strong enough to call them on it. And usually the athlete just gets uneasy but can’t contemplate emotionally that their support team is incompetent or worse - controlling and manipulative.

  • Athlete relationships with others outside of the sport.

    How well they communicate, keep in touch, fit them into their lives is very important.

  • Linking self-esteem to results.

    There’s a great story, which a friend of mine who is a fantastic coach, used with parents and athletes, called chicken for tea (if you’re not from the UK, that means chicken for dinner). Win or lose its chicken for tea/dinner. Athletes need to get over the disappointment of a loss or the euphoria of a win and have chicken for tea. It’s so important that parents treat the kids the same whether they win or lose. There can be a momentary time where the kid is left alone to overcome a loss. But once that period, and I usually say it cannot be more than one hour, it’s back to normal. Parents cannot be over analysing all the reasons a win or loss happens for hours and days afterwards, making the kid feel like he/she is a better person when he/she is winning and less worthy if he/she loses.

  • Injury

    Managing the time during rehab and when you can’t compete as an athlete or especially regaining confidence after an injury that has taken the athlete out of competition for a significant amount of time. Certainly, when you are out up to a month or longer, it's tough to trust your body immediately again. Returning to competition has to be well managed.

  • Instabilities off the court

    It’s helpful for the athlete to maintain a steady and reasonably simple life away from the sport. This can be complicated because of the relationship with either parents or coaches. Everybody has to be emotionally stable when the athlete is competing. Even if life around them is chaotic, top competitors can compete when other things are happening because they mostly compartmentalise, which a young up-and-coming athlete finds very difficult. Top athletes also find it difficult, but they have tremendous resources and can dig deep to find a way, no matter what is going on. And the word professional is actually doing your job no matter what the circumstances.

In summary we all have to learn to manage our insecurities. The people we surround ourselves with and the environment we live in are major contributors to how secure we feel. 

In Module 6 of Mindset College I teach how to deal with inadequacy. How getting comfortable in your own skin can make you win more matches and feel confident.

 

 

Written by

David Sammel