Introversion and labelling
Mary (not her real name) was really introverted and labelled herself as an introvert. She was petrified of presenting in front of colleagues and very uncomfortable in groups and meeting new people.
I asked her how comfortable she was presenting to herself in front of a mirror?
Mary worked for two weeks presenting in front of a mirror until she was genuinely relaxed and comfortable seeing herself.
She then presented to her family and this was videoed. She did this four times until she was comfortable.
The breakthrough was when Mary told me that she noticed how much she looked down to her left whilst presenting and spoke too fast at the start.
No longer was Mary thinking about being uncomfortable. The focus had shifted to improving her performance and the way she was coming across.
Whilst the start was still a little sticky it went extremely well because she had gotten comfortable presenting and now she is no longer introverted in this situation and becoming a very good presenter and .......actually enjoying experimenting with humour.
Meeting new people.
I asked “when you meet a new person, how do you know that she is not as uncomfortable as you?”
Why not break the ice and say “lovely to meet you and I just want to throw it out there that when I meet new people I feel very uncomfortable.”
I think you’ll be surprised at how many people respond with “oh I’m so glad you said that because I feel the same way.”
Labelling yourself as introverted is very unhelpful because the reality is that once you’re comfortable in a situation or with people you can be extroverted.
The defining factor is actually situational. This determines how introverted or extroverted someone will be.
How many people do we know that are fantastic at taking centre stage at a party yet cannot stand up and give a speech?
Place any extrovert in a very unfamiliar and uncomfortable situation for them and they will become very introverted.
If you wish to become more open then you have to practice and roll play -> take steps to become comfortable in more situations.
I was introverted in that situation is far healthier and labelling yourself as an introvert.
Examples of shedding the language of labels that confine you into a false box!
I failed versus I am a failure
I choked versus I am a choker
I was weak versus I am weak
I made a mistake versus I am stupid
I was shy (in that situation) versus I am shy
Why not explore Mindset College and all the different skills on offer to help you achieve more with a relaxed frame of mind?
Written by David Sammel
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