If you’ve ever felt like a failure you must read this!

If:

• You set a goal and don’t achieve it, this is often labelled failure. 
• You have a number of relationships that don’t work out, some people label themselves as ‘failures in relationships’.
• Novak Djokovic ‘fails’ to win the US Open does he with all his success label the fact that he doesn’t equal or make history this year a ‘failure’?

Is:

• A silver or bronze medal or even making the Olympics and not winning a failure?
• Becoming a multi-millionaire and not a billionaire, a ‘failure’?

In my opinion, so much of perceived failure firmly rooted in comparison. Comparison is the real killer of spirit. 

You set up your own success or failure by the metrics you create in your own mind or taking on those championed by society or others - so why set any Metrics up at all?

What if your measurements in life were based around learning, consistently being aware of doing things a little better than before? 

We hear so much about the journey and enjoying the process. Surely all that means keep comparisons limited to yourself only? 

Yes, it is lovely to be recognised for good work and the feelings of satisfaction when your work and improvements lead to a victory or a new contract, but it is seldom that someone has not achieved more, so if the comparison metric is against the best ever then rare if ever will be the feeling of doing really well.

Furthermore, top of the pile is always a target set to be broken, so often even that achievement is fleeting. 

Social media makes comparison an easy trap! The reality is there is never a way of knowing what is truth or myth, so why speculate with assumptions that others are happier or more successful?

And success is also purely a metric drawn from comparison. So draw up your own version of success and if you achieve it, go for more if that’s what you want. Success is not static just as relationships are never static so be careful what you label a success because things can change quickly. 

Appreciate good people. Appreciate your personal victories and those of others. 

There is no endgame whilst we are alive. We are all flawed and have our insecurities, so torturing yourself with assumptions that others have less or more insecurities is a zero-sum game that sets you up for the label of failure. 

You cannot fail if you are working on being a little better - even if you have messed up big time, there will be a valuable lesson there allowing you to build from anywhere to something better for yourself; and maybe you will turn round one day and realise the mess-up was a turning point, a catalyst and therefore the best mess up ever! 

Personally I have jettisoned failure as a label from my life and stay away from, or if I slip, quickly catch myself and exit the rabbit hole of comparison. 

These two small disciplines makes a huge difference in how people feel about themselves! Try it!

Written by David Sammel