The power of acceptance

The Power of positive thinking

We continually hear about the power of positive thinking and can possibly get confused when positive thinking begins to feel like a denial of reality. There is far more pressure when we deny reality. In sport if you are well behind you can keep down the path of saying things like;

“You can do this! I've got this! Keep fighting”

Opportunity

Whilst helpful it is far more powerful to accept the situation and the probability that today you're going to lose but equally acknowledge the opportunity that remains no matter how slim, so what can you do to keep your chances alive.

The Rafa Nadal story

As an example when Rafa Nadal was two sets to love down in the recent Australian Open having blown the second set which he led throughout and effectively choked, what type of things would he have told himself?

Given the history of his mindset, he would immediately move to acceptance and his self-talk been along the lines of:

“Things are not looking good so just hold serve and see what happens.”

This acceptance gives you the freedom to relax and think of the next step, any productive small step that can take you forward. Acceptance allows you to draw a line under what has happened and to look towards the opportunities still available to you.

 Decide what to do

Imagine if there was a nuclear warhead in the air, and you had five minutes to decide what to do! It would not be helpful if you spent three or four of those minutes talking about all the reasons and mistakes that were made that caused the warhead to be fired. It would be far better to spend all five minutes weighing up the options available to avert the disaster.

Stop beating yourself up

Acceptance is an excellent way to stop beating yourself up. Mistakes happen, but you can never turn back the clock. Acceptance allows you to function positively even when the chips are stacked against you. The Impossible path to victory when everything points to defeat begins with accepting the reality and then looking for a small step forward and taking that step with a mindset that is full of curiosity as to what will happen next. One small step at a time creates the improbable magic of the comeback.

Gives you the power

Acceptance gives us the power to fight without the baggage of blame, excuses, frustration, anger, or any of the emotions that we feel when faced with losing something that we really want.

Acceptance allows the mind to be curious and seek solutions to very difficult problems

Here is a three-step process you might find helpful;

• Accept the reality of the situation
• Decide on a small target to aim for
• Decide on the process that will help you achieve the small target

Going back to the Nadal story – he accepted that the position was difficult, decided just to hold serve. He would then have given himself a process goal of how he was gonna do that. Things, such as be more aggressive, which stats prove to be true as on average his forehand ball speed was 10km faster in the 3rd set.

Healthier than denial

Acceptance is so much healthier than denial. Contrary to our first instinct, which is to think that acceptance is weak and seems like the first step to giving up. It is incredibly powerful because of how it frees your mind to seek answers without the added pressure of trying desperately not to lose. It helps you look for ways to win and come through even when the odds are so slim.

Helps recovery

Acceptance also helps recovery when you do lose, to accept the loss and look at the things that you could have done differently, draw a line under it and move on to the next challenge.

Try living the liberation that acceptance brings.

Japanese Samurai Warriors…. used the phrase “Die before going into battle.” 

 This practice allowed the warrior to enter combat without the fear of death. 

 Equivalent of experiencing “dying before going into battle” is to accept – as if accepting a gift – these statements:

• Life does not turn out the way it “should.”
• Nor does it turn out the way it “shouldn’t”
• Life turns out the way it does.

Consider 3 implications of this statement:

•  In the long run, your winning strategy will never always work
• Your life goals will never all be completed.
• You cannot control outcomes only work towards them.
   

Acceptance and resignation

There is a big difference between acceptance and resignation.  To resign yourself to the future is to submit to despair and take yourself out of the game of “making the impossible happen.”  You lie down and say, “Why bother?” 

Accepting that you can’t control the outcome is not the end of action – it is the opening for the boldest and most daring action. You can accept total responsibility for your choices and actions. You are free to play full-out in creating and implementing an extraordinary future for yourself. 

 If you keep a mind that always remains curious to the possibilities, that gives you power to think outside the box and be brave.

First step towards forgiveness

Acceptance is also the first step towards forgiveness, and whilst we can forgive people, forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean that we allow them back into our lives. At the very least accepting the wrongs that have been done to us allows us to begin the process of moving forward away from an issue. If you find yourself dwelling on all the bad things that have happened to you, accept them and then plan how you want to live your life going forward, because once you have accepted the bad you're no longer a prisoner to that past.

by David Sammel