What is in your head?

Is your head constantly full of thoughts that resemble a jigsaw puzzle of a million pieces that seems impossible to solve? 

Assumptions

How many of these thoughts are based in fact rather than assumptions?

When we are comparing ourselves to others, the default is often to imagine ourselves to be in a worse position, less attractive, poorer, not as smart, etc. 

If we indulge in gossip, the reverse is the default where we pick up on the faults, mistakes, stupidity, or misfortune of others. 

The full facts

• How often are we in possession of the full story, facts that could explain behaviours and actions?
• How often do we jump to conclusions? 
• How often has an assumption or lack of facts landed you in a pickle? 

Living in your head

It is a weird quirk of human nature that we live so much in our own heads and in our own made up stories that we so readily forget to check in and fact find. We imagine many fantasies about why things or people are the way we think they are. Sensible unbiased debate in our own heads is near impossible because we always have a vested interest in the outcome that we prefer. 

• Do you consistently doubt yourself? 
• Do you feel weak and frustrated because everyone else seems to have it so much more together and doing so much better than you?
• Are your expectations for yourself set low to not get disappointed? 
• What are your comparisons based upon?
• Fact or fiction?

Labels

A BMW showroom, a Gucci store are examples of how labels must present as amazing and totally desirable. The assumption so often is that these companies run like clockwork, that those who work there have superior knowledge and that there is no fear of failure or messing up by the executives who run these companies. 

Best foot forward

This is not unlike how everyone shows their best and rarely reveals any issues, problems or mess that sit behind the scenes on social media. Yet we want to see beautiful things and imagine a fantastic life, and if only momentarily, help us forget our own problems. Therefore, the truth would not be and is not popular on social media or in advertising.

We have newspapers and programs to write or expose scandal so we can say “We knew it was too good to be true”, only to go on and believe in the myths again. 

Emotions

We react and buy emotionally so successful adverts, sales people and conmen tap into our emotions and do everything to keep us from analysing too carefully what is being sold, cleverly allaying our fears, doubts and objections by steering us back into the fantasy of how amazing we will feel if we have one of these or that holiday or car or whatever. 

The Dream

Many of these funky clothes, power tools, super mountain bikes, online courses sit in our garages, wardrobes and on our computers barely touched as the reality is far less glamorous than our emotional picture of sitting astride the bike on the mountain top, mud on our goggles glowing in achievement or the freshly cut hedge that was so easy to shape with the powerful new laser beam trimmer that practically straightens the hedge itself or the perfect Spanish we are speaking at our favourite holiday restaurant dressed like 007. 

So what to do about the thoughts in our heads? How can we simplify how we think? 

Your imagination wonders

Imagination is a double-edged sword, for it is our creativity that helps us design and imagine the most amazing things into reality. It allowed us to play wonderful games as children and even as adults, but… equally it creates stories that can run riot in our heads and cause enormous anxiety and pain. 

Be aware, very aware

Awareness of self is the key to our mental health and stability. If we can learn about our own tendencies and weaknesses, then we can put tools in place to stop us from going down or too far down the assumption pathways and become less biased. We can learn to take time-outs and evaluate the facts behind what we are thinking and lay the myths to rest, to stop pretending we know things we don’t and therefore stay more open-minded to other possibilities and explanations. 

Measure sensibly

We can measure ourselves against sensible metrics about what our success must look like, not some myth we chase that often no one can achieve. 

The best version of yourself

The best version of yourself is what? Surely this sentence is totally situational and subjective and certainly does not mean the perfect version of ourselves, of which none of us would recognise, even if it (our perfect version) hit us in the face. 

No one plans or executes a perfect life because other people and the world are so unpredictable and constantly changing that predicting what will happen to us is literally a lottery. 

Robust Plans

Therefore, rigid life plans are poor plans - robust and agile plans are best. Vision and direction are vital as long as the plans on how we get there are flexible and based on firm resolve to prevail over unpredictable events. 

Flexibility in self-awareness

Self-awareness gives us so much flexibility because when we are aware of our vulnerabilities and lack of perfection, we accept ourselves and others far better because we assume less and find out more before judging a book by its cover. There is a quest for at least some truth in what we are thinking and genuine awareness of our own bias. 

The Power of Awareness

Mindset College has two modules full of tools to understand yourself and others. It will transform your thinking on rejection, conflict, comparison, labelling, expectations, drama and so much more, helping you cope and simplify your own thoughts. 

Written by

David Sammel